What is a process?
-a series of actions or steps taken in order to achieve a particular end.
Then we can say that life is a process, right? Anyway, while life is a process, it’s filled with many processes, that’s what I’ve realized. While I am on this journey to holistic health and happiness, I’ve encountered myself going through many processes. One huge and important part of this journey is my weight and losing the extra pounds process.
I have been overweight for the better part of my life and while I don’t look horrible, I feel the need to feel and look better, but I’ve often asked myself why can’t I just feel good about myself at this size.
I remember as a child being teased and berated for being a few extra pounds heavier than the other kids, when I look back at it, I wasn’t even fat or even significantly heavier than others. I guess it’s a mind thing.
Anywhoo, I’ve been on this weight loss roller coaster for a couple of years now and It has been depressing, exciting and illuminating. I’ve had the experience of almost getting anxiety attacks anytime I eat because I don’t want to gain an extra pound and then just eating whatever the hell I wanted because I thought I was “meant” to be fat. Not to mention the emotional eating, especially when I sad.
I am now trying to change my frame of mind concerning weight loss, healthy eating, exercising etc. Weight loss is as much physical as it is emotional. I’ve realized that I wasn’t doing it to be healthy, it was purely a physical endeavor and still I wasn’t satisfied.
I am on this journey to be fine with myself with the way I look now. I am beautiful even when I don’t feel like it. My scars, my jelly rolls and doughnut holes makes me, ME! I am fighting for my sanity.
So I have been praying about it, plus eating healthier( I am learning that I don’t have to restrict myself from all the yummy foods I love to eat but portioning is the proper way, and understanding when to say no, when to eat certain things and harnessing the power of self control.
Yesterday, I saw a young lady with KFC and I swear to GAWD, I wanted to snatch the box from her hand and run…maybe because I was hungry but I haven’t had kfc in quite a while, and I want to fast from it some more but It is hard eating very clean for me. And you know what’s even harder, the fact that I love to cook and bake. UGH!!!
I am trying though and I have to, my sanity depends on it.
I am currently doing my work outs with the “CIZE” dvd’s and I am trying my best to portion my food and eat healthier. IT IS HARD.
I will post pics soon (horrified)…so that at the end of April I can compare before and After pics.
Until next time 🙂