What to do…

What to do…I haven’t been blogging because I’ve simply lost all motivation to even just sit down for five minutes and jot down my thoughts. I would rather just think and think and think and just be there not doing anything, which by the way is not good for me because I tend to overthink things.

I guess I felt some kind of motivation to share my thoughts tonight, I can’t really pinpoint why, but I just am.

I have been wrestling with this question for a long time “What is your purpose”, I can honestly say that I am in 26th year of living and still don’t have a clue as to what my purpose is or what I am to do for the rest of my life. I see so many having this all figured out and pursuing whatever it may be that they said that they want to be/do. I cannot say the same and I get so jealous at times because people seem to have their life together while mine seem like a rubix cube that I just cannot get anything aligned.

I have many different interests, like cooking- honestly cooking makes me happy. To know that I can put something together with my hands, improvise and have someone’s taste buds screaming  with pleasure is something I relish, however I don’t think I was cut out to be a chef. I don’t like sharing the kitchen, my feet tend to hurt easily and after a few hours I am burnt and don’t even want to serve the delicious creation I’ve just slaved over.

Then there’s Management/business. I have longed to own a business because I love to be the boss, I don’t think working for someone for the rest of my life is where I need to be. I always feel the need to lead, improve, help, nurture etc but I don’t even know where to start. Briefly I tried doing this typing thing, where I could type up letters, resumes , projects etc but the fish didn’t bite and I didn’t even bother about it again, but in my heart I feel like owning a business is in my future.

There is singing, I spoke about the fear I experience when I have to take the stage, I don’t know how that could be my calling. I feel uncomfortable when going to concerts and watching others on stage and that little voice  tells me emphatically that that could be me, and then I get sad but I still don’t know where to start.

Those are just a few but I have many interests and to go into detail would cause me to write several pages and right now, I don’t feel like writing all of that. I am just here, not well-oh, I have Zika btw- I am rashed up, itchy, hot, sweaty, and just all up in my thoughts. I have many more things to blog about and should dedicate some time to even share at least one time a week, which would make much sense with my schedule and tired body. I will definitely make an effort but yeah.

As far as my dilemma goes, I am praying for direction. I sometimes feel like time is running out. I am 26 and a lot of my old classmates are heavily accomplished and then there’s me lol, ugh sometimes I pity myself.

Let me get off this computer and go put on my cortisone cream and go to bed, this rash ain’t no joke y’all.


Until next time ppl.



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