One o’ dem days

Today for me has been trying. Trying to feel better, trying not to cry, trying to smile, trying to act normal, trying to be brave, trying to be be strong, trying to be courageous, trying not to breakdown, trying to stay awake…Well you get the gist.

I’m not good at compartmentalizing my feelings. It’s like when one aspect of my life is going , well not the way I would want it, everything else around me feels like it’s just bad. I know that that is not good but that in itself is a work in progress but I am TRYING.

To be honest, I would just rather curl up on my bed with the fan on speed-hurricane and just lay there, basking in the ambiance of silence, of nothingness and just, well be. I don’t feel like to talking to to many persons today, I really just don’t want to be bothered, but yet I don’t wanna be alone. Oh the irony.

Maybe a hug and 3 million dollars will cheer me up, because I don’t want a hug alone, or maybe I will just go to the beach and enjoy the sunset and enjoy a bit of nature by myself or maybe I just go home and vent to my mama-my go to girl. Actually writing this is helping but not in the way I wished it would. I don’t want to gorge on comfort food as I would usually do, well I can’t anyway because I have no appetite (I had zika- your girl had the headache, the fever, the joint pains and I was rashed up lol. The medication I am on is making me groggy with no appetite). That is good, considering my weight loss journey but I still had a cupcake hee hee, I baked yesterday. πŸ˜‰

Why can’t I be rich Jesus? No, like seriously, why can’t I be rich? I would have taken a plane somewhere today, be a tourist. Lounge around the pool or in the hotel room, ordering room service and may one bar of chocolate lol. Dreams eh? Well maybe in this groggy state, I will just day dream of being in that place in this moment instead of being here. Maybe I am just hungry and don’t know it….blah blah blah blah.

Anyway, several persons called me beautiful and sexy and gorgeous today, I thank them for the compliments and Jesus for making me this gorgeous lol. I feel like singing for some reason but alas I am in the office…..situations, dilemmas, feelings and emotions. LIFE!

Anyway, I am figuring that if we continually let feelings control our decisions, we are gonna be in a shit load of problems. It’s just one of those days.

Ta-Ta, Until next time.

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