Sooooo ……yeah

Tonight as I share my thoughts, I am a little bit cranky and want to just talk. This may not be a grammatically correct post but at the moment I am okay with that.

Anyway, I think this is my first post of 2017. I expected myself to have big updates by now but I really don’t. I’m upset about that fact as well. I mean can I have some good news at least one time. ( I am on my tablet and this damn thing is not working well and I feel a cuss word at the edge of my lips but I ain’t gon do it).

2017 had not started off great, I feel stuck, futile efforts and everything. I have been stressed and on this ride that I really just wanna get off. I gained almost 20 pounds. I am now the HEAVIEST I have ever been on in my life. I’ve been cooking and baking more, loving that but I’ve also been eating more and guess what, I don’t wanna stop. Eating that is. I want ice cream, brownies, cakes and anything fried Smh. I’ve lost it.

I am no longer disciplined. I am always tired, right now it seems I am always stressed and people just don’t get it. I dont have the mental strength to hold meaningless conversation much less meaningful ones. I don’t need users and abusersย  counterfeit folk around me because I don’t have much to give and the little I have I want it for me.

Right now I need to get back on track on my journey of holistic health but it is hard. I am not giving up but just freaking exhausted. I have so many goals that I need to accomplish but I need strategy. I’ve been talking to the devil and before you think anything, yes I said talking to the devil- commanding him to release my blessings. I am tired of cowering and living in fear but I am here.

I want to get back on losing weight, being healthy and encouraging others to do so. I cannot do this thang on my own. I need a support system, a team if you will but I am kinda tired of asking for that stuff. thus my dilemma. All I can do is try. Lord help me!

Anyway, It’s the next day, tablet was messing up and I didn’t wanna cuss, so I had to finish today.

Have a good day everyone!

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