“Life has a way of making persons bitter”, I heard this saying many moons ago but as I laid there in my bed, pondering on oh so many things, I’ve come to realize that statement is true. Persons may rebut and state that that only occurs if you allow it to happen and yes that is equally as true but sometimes it gets too much for one person to the point where you can fall into depression and as time progresses, you get mad,bad and bitter.
Let’s face it, sometimes you look at someone and ask the question, “what’s wrong with her?” or “what’s wrong with him?” not really thinking that maybe, just maybe life dealt them a nasty hand and they are hurt and broken and bitterness took a hold of them, so they are just behaving accordingly.
When I look over my life and all that I have been through and continue to endure, I just sometimes cry. Life can be tough, especially when you feel like you are trying your hardest, praying your hardest, tithing your hardest, giving your best and still everything that could go wrong, does and you are stuck thinking if this is what life is supposed to be for you, just lack and hard times and you wonder “God, can I just get a break?”
Tonight as I laid by my mother, she had T.D Jakes preaching on her device (one of my favourite preachers) and He was speaking on the fact that Jesus has it under control and I started screaming “Where is the money Jesus?….HUHHHH? Where is the car?, where is the MONEYYYYYYY?!?!?!” and my Mom turns to be and says to me “Stop all dat in my ears” LOL but I was so serious. I have heard many people who put their trust in Jesus, just angry because It feels like they are serving him for nothing. They have asked if blessings are only good for rich folk or those who live in North America, because they just ain’t feelin’ it.
I CAN RELATE…
I am not gonna even lie, right now I am just mad at God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit because Frankly I feel like I am going through tooooo much and I wonder when will it stop, when will I get my breakthrough and will it just be temporary, only to revert into an old place/space. Don’t get me wrong, I love Jesus and I know that He blesses- if you follow my blogs, I have shared about my experience with him but right now He doesn’t seem to near and I feel UN-blessed.
Maybe I am PMSing but I am fighting not be dragged into a depressed state because it is tough to get out of. Anyway, I just really wanted to get this off of my chest and I really didn’t wanna speak to anyone, so I needed this release.
My prayer tonight is that Jesus shows me some good stuff and open some doors or something, ….a window maybe? iono but something needs to happen. I need to feel some kinda hope right now.
Good night everyone, thank you for understanding and remember, I love you for reading♥